Elly McDonald

Writer

Houston, we have lift off (2 February 2014)

10 Comments

By popular demand – a chorus of two – I am launching my blog.

The title?

Elly Takes a Stab at Relating a.k.a. Sex and The City without the City and, erm, without The Sex (so far. But this could get X-Rated). Oh, and with old people. Or, Mme Strangelove: or how I learnt to stop worrying and love the whole horrible hideous business of letting total strangers think I might conceivably want to bump uglies with them. Or maybe just Dating On A Dime – His.

You might ask, why would I want to do this thing – the blog, not the bumpy uglies stuff – and I would say, earnestly, because I have a self-destructive streak that will still be gloriously vital even after the nuclear holocaust and the ascent of the cockroach lords. Never mind that writing about the men one dates is the cardinal offense against the men one dates, the deal-breaker. (That, and weighing more than 60kg. So they tell me.)

However. I do find it helpful to monitor and keep a log of my eating disorder management program, so why not log my mating management program? Which reminds me… somehow I forgot to mention eating disorders in my RSVP Profile. How could that slip my mind?

You might also ask, why now (the bump uglies stuff, not the blog)?  And that would be a good question. Suffice to say that earlier this week I caught myself in a dream attempting to flirt with two young men who were sharing a lunch table with me in what looked to be a campus canteen. And then I caught myself, in my dream, recognising that at ages 23 and 24 respectively, they were so not interested. And, they were dream wraiths.

Geelong is not known as Sleepy Hollow for nothing. There’s a lot of bed goes on in Geelong. And much of it, I’m certain, involves intelligent articulate decent males aged between 45 and 60 who are in that bed alone and just hanging out, so to speak, to be joined by a 52 year old penniless narky maladjust and her two Brittany dogs. (What’s that? I forgot to mention the dogs’ sleeping habits in my RSVP Profile? Truly, it must be dementia setting in.)

So it’s 24 hours in. 24 hours live, 24 hours active. Don’t those metaphors just resonate? 24 hours, and what have I done? Here’s the score:

I have rejected about a dozen probably perfectly harmless potential axe murderers, as graciously as the checklist responses permit. One of them showed up on the ‘Compatibility Meter’ as Compatibility – Very Low, with RSVP’s encouraging comment, “Erm… sometimes opposites attract?”

I have engaged in shameless display with one man whose RSVP handle is “Apollo 13” – so he’s either a god (Penny Lane, this is for you) or he’s disaster-prone. I am practicing Buddhist detachment and will not make a call on which.

I have scolded another man for providing insufficient information on his profile, so little that the Compatibility Meter threw its hands up; only to have him respond, generously, with a lovely, detailed account of his family and his life, completely at odds with the image his picture had conjured up of a self-satisfied wally with a drinking problem.

I have indicated interest to a man who promptly invited me to email him, which involves purchasing “Stamps”, which cost $10 each. Suddenly my interest plummeted.

Image

Elly takes a stab… at her ear hole. A slow learner.

How will I afford to date, when I can’t afford so much as a cappuccino? Another good question I hear you asking. I’ll work on it and come back to you…

Author: Elly McDonald

Art lover. Loves her family and companion animals. Worked in the Australian rock music industry as a journalist and published widely as a poet before moving to London and spending the better part of a decade in advertising agencies. Returned to Australia and briefly tried teaching, primarily teaching English to non-English speaking, newly-arrived refugees but also as a high school classroom teacher. Has travelled Western Europe, North Africa, Russia, Northern India, East Asia, coastal USA, some Pacific Islands, and Australia.

10 thoughts on “Houston, we have lift off (2 February 2014)

  1. Love it, Elly… for me, always a vicarious thrill (I’m taken), so keep it up, please!!!

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  2. In cat country things are not just white or blue sometimes things are a more complicated pale blue.

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  3. How do I subscribe to this Elly?

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    • Adrienne, after some struggle I am now on top of my blog widgets! If you scroll down to the very bottom of the blog, there should now be instructions for how to Follow via Email. Also I have activated the Publicize widget, which means future posts should show up automatically in my Facebook Timeline, though you won’t necessarily see that unless you have a Notification active for my Facebook posts. Which I would not ask of you.

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  4. Brilliant! Can’t wait for chapter 2!!!

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  5. I’m months late for this one but as usual i’m enjoying your self destructive humour. W(ell) mainly your healthy humour. And I said I was about to gather all my records & papers in studio 1 & jump on my bike. Its definitely beyond time as my eyes are getting extremely droopy. What are your dog’s sleeping habits btw? And what type?

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